FOLLOWING their own health and safety advice after catching sight of projected losses in revenues, Ryanair have unveiled a Covid-19 priority queuing experience for passengers that puts the worries of those fearing an increase in cases resulting from air travel to bed.
“It’s a modest carry on fee for carriers of the disease, but think of the perks; you get to cough, sweat and fall ill before those plebs who didn’t pay priority even board the plane,” explained one Ryanair official, unveiling the €55 Covid-19 Priority Queue offer.
And it’s not just carriers of Covid-19 that can avail of the new priority queue, anyone hoping to potentially catch and spread the disease to loved ones can pay for priority as can sexual deviants who have a coughing fetish.
“We’ve listened to Irish health authorities on travel abroad and concluded ‘fuck that’,” explained Ryanair’s Head of Bad PR, outlining the return of 40% of its flights.
“For those who don’t want to catch it – we’ve extended the space in between rows by .0005mm so the leg room is off the charts and social distancing can be maintained. But we can’t do much about the whole recycled air funneled through a big tin can thing or tired children screaming Covid directly onto the back of your head, sorry,” concluded the PR man.
Asked if the airline would further intensify their famed levels of sanitising and cleaning of planes in between flights Ryanair responded “wait, you guys have been cleaning your planes this whole time?”