DO YOU own a small business operating in the leisure sector and are worried about insurance provider Leisure Insure exiting the market leaving countless businesses at risk of closure? Well, the government is here to tell you not to bother them about any of this.
“Honestly don’t bother calling or leaving a message, we’re not all that interested,” confirmed one government spokesperson as they contemplated how the leisure industry faces a new, entirely avoidable crisis now there is no insurance provider to provide them with cover.
Be you a bike hire firm operator along any of the nation’s greenways, a bouncy castle firm, a kayak hire firm, someone operating walking tours, no matter what part of the tourism and leisure sector you exist within while trying to make a living, the government has reiterated that you’d really be getting in the way of their summer holiday plans in you started complaining.
“Are you like, trying to make us feel guilty or something? So the insurance industry as a whole is a complete mess and maybe we side with them on every issue no matter what, but I don’t see how potentially thousands of jobs at risk in the tourism and leisure industries is, like, our problem,” confirmed the government with an inflatable flamingo under its arm halfway out the door to jump into a pool to avoid the heatwave in Spain.
The government has confirmed is has no intention of setting up a dedicated hotline where businesses can get information nor will it be making much effort to explore the possibility of asking overseas insurers to enter the Irish market, filling the gap left by Leisure Insure.
“Oh God no, that require us actually giving a fuck. Look, you could piss tears for all we care. If you were a US pension fund buying up apartments and not paying tax then maybe we could help you lot, but you’re not so… anyway see you lot when we’re back in the Dáil in September,” confirmed the government.