Everything We Know About The Royal Baby So Far


IT’S here! It’s here! The baby that Deirdre in accounts is more invested in than her own children; it’s the first child of Meghan Markle and Harry Royal Family Prince Man.

For all your royal birth canal purusing needs WWN has gathered everything we know about Royal Bambino so far in this guide more easy to digest than the royal placenta which incidentally was seasoned with Nando’s piri piri sauce and consumed by the Queen earlier today:

Meghan and Harry of course BROKE FROM TRADITION by demanding more privacy surrounding the pregnancy and subsequent birth and the media didn’t break from tradition by completely ignoring all this in a bid to satisfy your insatiable desire to know every detail.

Breaking from tradition YET AGAIN Meghan Markle has birthed the first non-lizard royal baby on record. Sources close to the couple say they aren’t worried by the strange serpent-shaped birthmark on the baby or the fact it was born on the 6th and weighed 6lbs 6oz.

Their son is already a style icon having had his amniotic sac designed by Stella McCartney. It is believed the child will be named Æthelstan after the former Wessex monarch or something easier to pronounce.

It has already been confirmed that Meghan and Harry’s son will win series 43 of Love Island in 2039 after successfully coupling off with the child Kylie Jenner is soon to conceive with Justin Trudeau, Malala Yousafzai and Post Malone.

The Royal Family haven’t yet revealed what horrible and illegal war the newborn will gallantly serve in but he’s sure to look handsome and noble when spreading British values around the world from a gunship.

The new addition is 7th in line to the throne but only one Red Wedding style event away from taking power.

While there were heavy rumours that this baby would want for something, it turns out being born into the British royal family means he will want for nothing.

All Irish people reading this have had their citizenship revoked and added to the official Treacherous List of West Brits.

The new addition is worth €300 million to the royal family economy, but more importantly it will soften the public’s anger at any impending scandals involving any royal family member.

There has been a 3000% increase in people taking to social media to say ‘give them their privacy’ while simultaneously reading every bit of news they can get their hands on. This is up 4% from the last royal birth.