Egypt Asked To Keep Executions To A Minimum During EU Talks


WITH the EU-Arab Summit welcoming delegates and leaders from 24 European countries to Egypt this week, President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi has asked all state agencies involved in the detainment and execution of political prisoners to ‘tone it down a wee bit’ over the next week.

The statement comes following the mass execution of 9 suspects found guilty of murder in a 2015 trial involving 28 suspects tried all at once, which brings the total number of people executed in Egypt over the past three weeks to 15, something authorities have described as ‘not a good look’ while the EU is in town.

As such, authorities are being begged to at least try to keep executions down to a minimum over the next few days, pleading with law enforcement agencies to limit their activity to abduction and torture to pass the time until the Europeans head home.

“The Brits are in town so all eyes are on us at the minute with this whole Brexit thing,” said a spokesperson for the Executioners Union, still smarting that the EU stole their initials.

“Normally whenever there’s a summit of world leaders, people don’t pay much attention, but with the Brexit circus rolling into our neck of the woods, it’s be better if there were no necks cut or hung. It’s only for a week, then we can go back to doing the the whole ‘mass-trial-followed-by-mass-execution’ thing. A week, lads. A fucking week, we’re not asking much”.

Meanwhile the media have assured the Egyptians that they’re only in town to watch Theresa May may a fool of herself, so ‘don’t let us stop you with the executing’.