TDs Mark 100th Birthday Of Dáil By Getting Nothing Done

CEREMONIES planned to mark the 100th anniversary of the first ever sitting of the Dáil in 1919 have been cancelled by TDs who have decided against such celebrations in favour of doing ‘sweet fuck all’.

Fearing that drawing attention to the aspirations of the first Dáil might reflect poorly on their own lack of effort, TDs have decided to lay low instead of reminding the public of high ideals once held by those entering Irish political life.

“Shit, if we highlight how 100 years ago the Dáil was virulently opposed to chancers who were just looking to hoodwink the Irish people, they’d have us lot strung up by midnight,” one worried TD remarked, urging his Dáil colleagues to just lay low, run up a Dáil bar bill they’ll never pay, claim some fuel allowance and maybe head home to attend the afters of a constituent’s funeral.

Historians have observed that the dawning of the first ever Dáil brought with it 27 TDs who possessed an unrelenting verve and passion, fully dedicated to improving the lives of everyone on the island of Ireland much to the disgust of the class of 2019.

“If the people get a whiff of the sort of TDs Ireland had in 1919 they’ll expect more from us. We can’t let that happen, we’ve got to grind down their expectations to a point where they just except we get nothing done,” added another TD in a rousing speech which caused some emotional TDs to cry.

“Yeah, fuck it we’ll just not turn up to the chamber today and head home early,” a TD added to loud cheers.