The GAA Celebrates Going 5 Minutes Without Mass Brawl


JUBILANT scenes were observed in GAA HQ as well as in county boards around the country after fine upstanding pillars of their communities otherwise known as GAA players managed to go five minutes without launching fist first into a violent and chaotic incident of ‘just letting off some steam’.

‘Just letting off some steam’ otherwise known as mass brawls have been plaguing the GAA in recent weeks and months, presenting the organisation with some bad PR, which is making the brief 5 minute respite from grown men beating the shit out of each other because they like football too much or something all the more welcome.

“Thank Christ for that,” one GAA official screamed with joy while letting off a giant confetti, made from the unsold tickets from last year’s All Ireland matches, from a canon.

“We’re sponsored by banks and alcohol companies these days, we can’t afford to just stand by and cheer loudly with encouragement as men punch and kick each other en masse. We’ve got to be seen taking action,” explained the official, who couldn’t rule out banning then overturning bans for clubs and players involved in brawls.

“But we don’t want to obviously because once we do, we’ll never hear the end of it from good club men who know the boys were only playing for the pride of the jersey so booting a lad in the face when he’s on the ground is called ‘passion’ and not ‘assault'”.

Celebrations proved short lived however as amid the wild scenes of relief came the news that a GAA match accidentally broke out during a brawl.

“It’s getting out of hand. You don’t want to see that, it’s not part of the sport’s values at all. 30 plus men piling in on each other and then out of nowhere, a GAA match breaks out. Horrible stuff,” concluded the official.