Panic Shoppers Purchase Last Remaining Supermarket Ahead Of Storm Emma


CUSTOMERS looking for their favourite supermarkets were left stranded this morning following a large scale panic buy ahead of Storm Emma, WWN can reveal.

Shoppers up and down the country arrived at supermarket locations to find bare foundations, with fire crews and emergency water teams desperately working around the clock to stop leaks from gas and water pipes after the stores were literally ripped from the ground by buyers.

“Ah, its a fucking mess,” one Waterford councillor told WWN, “there’s nowhere to get naughtin’ now, and for what? A few days of snow?”

Ireland’s last remaining Aldi store was purchased in Mitchelstown in county Cork at 8:59pm last night, leaving the country now supermarket-less for the foreseeable future.

“Snow can be boiled to make drinkable water,” said one maniacal looking man we spoke to, who was desperately clawing the earth where Tramore’s Tesco store was once located.

Gardaí are warning shoppers of ‘fake supermarkets’ being sold across the country, the majority of which are run by opportunistic crime gangs.

“We’ve had several instances where people bought what they believed were supermarkets, but when they arrived home, they were found to be local convenience stores, with one woman conned into buying a Daybreak store that had several years of back taxes to be paid, leaving her with a large bill,” a Garda statement read, before advising people to “best stick to known-brand stores”.