BREAKING: Boris Johnson Rushed To Hospital With Suspected Head Up Arse
BRITISH Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson was rushed to a London hospital in the last hour with a suspected head up arse, believed to be his own, sources have confirmed.
Mr. Johnson reportedly collapsed shortly after delivering a key speech on Brexit, before curling up into a ball and succumbing to his own anus.
“He mumbled something like ‘unite about what we all believe in’,” eyewitness and journalist James Carran told WWN, “he just became very incoherent after that, presumably because the lining of his anal passage absorbed most of his bullshit – it was quite the sight to behold.
“I’ve never seen someone’s head turn into themselves like that, but it seemed to be at home up there, and fitted right in”.
Emergency services arrived shortly after Mr. Johnson’s collapse and managed to get a breathing apparatus to his mouth before he suffocated on the remnants of yesterday’s lobster dinner.
“This is not the first time Boris’s head has retracted up his own hole,” a government source explained, “we usually just jimmy it out with a wooden spoon, but sometimes his head swells so big after delivering a speech, it’s just impossible to wedge anything else up there”.
Doctors have voiced major concerns for Johnson’s long term health as they identified the continuously claiming that Brexit is the greatest British achievement of all time, to be the leading cause of his head-up-arse condition.