Packed Luas Most Action Man Has Got In Months

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DUBLIN CITY’S chronic traffic problems has presented one commuter with the unwanted opportunity to be inadvertently felt up on a stuffed Luas during rush hour this morning.

Conal McHarty admitted his morning foray into work quickly descended into the most action he has had in months thanks to the sardine can like conditions on all Luas trams.

Penned into the middle compartment, McHarty’s body became an unfortunate focal point as shorter commuters who couldn’t reach nearby poles or overhead straps to steady themselves chose instead to cling onto the trainee accountant in the seconds after every jolt, stop, or acceleration of the tram.

“Ah fuck sake, who’s gently touching my arse,” McHarty cried out, in his head, as his eyeballs looked directly up the nostrils of another commuter, wedged millimetres from his face. To pass the time McHarty tried to count the number of hands on his body but gave up after he reached 23.

With oxygen at a premium on the tram each new stop brought a welcome fresh breeze with the opening of the doors. However, for McHarty it also brought several new commuters who took to pushing their way in, resting several parts of their body on several part’s of his body.

“This is like the orgy scene in Eyes Wide Shut, except I don’t like it at all,” McHarty confirmed as the Luas turned a corner, squeezing 5 more people onto his back and one hand firmly gripping his right ankle.

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