Local Man Spends Every Waking Minute Wondering Why Girlfriend Goes Out With Him


ONE local Waterford man is putting all his energy into intensely querying in his mind, his girlfriend’s decision to maintain an ongoing relationship with him, WWN can confirm.

Ian Kearns, with an address in the Dungarvan area of Europe, has confessed that the majority of his time on this planet is dedicated to wondering what his girlfriend of two years, Rachel Hendricks, could possibly see in him.

“It’s a real drain on the old energy reserves, but it does make you wonder,” confirmed Kearns, who can’t believe someone so nice, decent, honest, compassionate, intelligent and beautiful would waste her time with someone as useless and as flawed as he is.

“Ah no look, it keeps me at night most of the week and weekends but it’s grand honestly,” Kearns confirmed as he lay in bed staring at the ceiling, contemplating all the things Hendricks does for me, and how he takes it for granted.

Kearns however does not limit to contemplating why his partner would be interested in someone who’s grooming regime is highly questionable and openly belches, making sure to set aside plenty of time to worry about it in work, too.

Reconciling with the fact Hendricks would soon cop on and be done with him, before moving on to bigger and better things, Kearns tossed and turned in his bed while staring at his partner every so often.

It is believed Kearns is one of many people who dedicates a significant portion of their time to scratching their heads and wondering ‘really? She’s happy with this pile of pathetic human flesh she calls her boyfriend?’ however, it is expected this constant questioning of his status in their relationship will soon lead to the 26-year-old doing something really stupid.

“I’m thinking getting jealous about some lad she works with who’s completely harmless might be the argument I’ll start with, see, I’m such an unworthy fucking eejit,” Kearns confirmed, while running over hypothetical scenarios of Hendricks breaking up with him in his head.