100 Drunken Students Thrown Onto Luas As Tests Continue On New Cross City Line
THE FINAL stages of testing on the new cross city Luas line are being carried out today and will see carriages stuffed to the brim with drunken students in a bid to replicate peak time Luas conditions, testing the line’s readiness ahead of its official launch.
“We’ve been plying them with booze since about 7am this morning,” a member of the Luas Structural Integrity Unit told WWN, “if she can take 100 students in her, she’ll be unstoppable,” he added of the last exhaustive stage any new Luas is put through.
The new cross city Luas will officially alight at various locations with normal everyday passengers this weekend, provided it can withstand what many consider the most demanding Luas conditions Dublin has to offer.
“You might think Christmas party season is what we should be road testing her with, but those auld workers have no stamina. A student could thunder into town at 7pm, and be heading back at 7am only to grab a clean pair of underwear before heading off on the lash again the following morning; that’s the true test of a Luas my friend,” added the cityfaring, beard clad LSIU member.
The new route will be given the greenlight later today if it is still journey-worthy after pools of vomit cascade across it floors in ceaseless waves.
“If this is to be just like the average student-packed Luas, we’ll have to see 12,000 selfies, 9 fights, 80 people caught without paying, 3 impromptu sing alongs to some abortion of an Ed Sheeran song and someone wedging themselves stuck as the doors try to close,” concluded the LSIU member.
Keen to ensure every Luas is track worthy, several students are said to be mushing the remnants of their kebab’s into one of the tram’s seats.