Bob Geldof Returns His Freedom Of Who The Fuck Cares


BOB GELDOF has rocked the world with his latest move to honestly, who the fuck cares, WWN can report.

Prone, in recent years, to carrying out grand gestures and statements while no one really pays attention to him, Geldof has once again found himself at the forefront of relatively empty moves as he is so incensed by the plight of Rohingya Muslims in Myanmar that he no longer wishes to have the right to graze sheep on St. Stephen’s Green.

“What has he said now? Actually, you know what, I honestly don’t give a fuck, don’t tell me, it’ll only piss me off and I was planning on having a good Monday,” confirmed one member of the public we chased down Grafton Street in order to get a quote for a story no one is all that worked up about.

Geldof’s returning of his whatever it is he’s returning is said to have interested next to no one, and of those that wasted several minutes of their time reading up on the reports have confirmed they’re not entirely sure what the point of it is.

“I’m not one for criticising famous people and telling them to go off and spend their own money on the plights and tragedies affecting the world, but honestly, I’ve no idea what the point of returning his Freedom of Dublin City will do,” confirmed member of the public Joseph Soap.

Sources close to someone who actually went to the trouble of reading whatever impassioned diatribe Geldof issued can confirm that Aung San Suu Kyi also holds the Freedom of Dublin City, and so this gesture is full of huge importance, we’re guessing.

“Wasn’t professional tax avoider Bono issued the Freedom of Dublin City on the exact same day as Aung San Suu Kyi back in 1999? Did Bob include that in his statement, just curious like?” asked an annoyingly inquisitive member of the public interviewed by WWN, who clearly wasn’t getting the significance of whatever the fuck Geldof was trying to do.