Ryanair Cancel Effort To Improve Brand Image
NO LONGER popular low cost airline, Ryanair, has cancelled all efforts to improve its brand image bringing an end to a brief dalliance with being well liked, WWN can reveal.
“People were smiling at us and saying ‘thanks’ when they got off their flight, it was just weird,” explained a spokesperson for the airline, as a gleeful Michael O’Leary pressed a red button marked ‘Re-Bastardisation’, setting off a chain reaction of unhelpful customer service.
Set up several years ago by the airline in the wake of a concerted effort to cultivate a softer, more customer-centred approach, the ‘Re-Bastardisation Protocol’ was an emergency set of measures to be utilised if and when Ryanair grew tired of being held in high esteem.
“In order to enact the protocol you need three senior members of staff to turn three keys at the same time while also cancelling a bunch of flights and losing over 300 passengers’ luggage,” an industry expert explained to WWN.
With 40-50 flights being cancelled every day, Ryanair passengers have been plunged into the familiar state of being permanently resentful of the air carrier while also still choosing to fly with them due to their low fares.
“Yeah to be honest, being liked isn’t really for us,” continued the Ryanair spokesperson, outlining the reason the company felt the need to bring an end to improving their brand image amongst consumers.
“God, it feels good to be bad again. We just heard someone is stranded in the arsehole of nowhere in Bulgaria for another 5 days. All thanks to us,” concluded the spokesperson while cracking open a celebratory bottle of champagne.