Are You Ready For College? Here’s 5 Tips For Your First Day


AS the summer draws to a close, students across the country are preparing to attend college for their first time. It’s an exciting time in life, when you’ve just completed your Leaving Cert and you’re ready to tackle your next academic challenge.

But college is very different from school, which can be disorientating and weird for first-timers. Never fear, here’s 5 tips to help you get through that first day:

1) Don’t show up

Trust us, the first day is always a bunch of registration bullshit that you can probably do from home. Failing that, you can do it the next day or later in the week, If you go in the first day, you’re just going to be sitting around like an idiot for 8 hours in a queue with the rest of the dweebs. Come on man, this is your time to be cool. Nobody knows you here, you can be a badass if you play your cards right.

2) In fact, don’t show up for a week

Tell people you were off doing something really cool sounding, like you could say you were in jail for assault after you broke up a fight and saved the life of a young girl, but you got wrongfully convicted because the guy you beat up was a cop’s son, or something. You’re going to fucking rule this place.

3) Remember, this isn’t school

You don’t have to go to college everyday, you know. This isn’t school. There’s no roll call. Nobodies going to be chasing you around the halls to go to class. Quit being such a nerd, take the day off.

4) Find the nearest pub

You’re going to be spending more time in the pub than you are in class, so be sure to spend your first day finding which alehouse suits you best. Open early? Closed late? Cheap pints? Big smoking area? Find the pub that’s right for you.

5) Drop out

The first day of college is probably the best day to drop out. You haven’t wasted anyone’s time, and you haven’t wasted too much money either. Sure, you can wing it for a few years and drop out then, but you’d be much better off just admitting that you have no idea why you put this course down on the CAO in the first place.