Dublin City Centre To Be Car And Pedestrian Free By 2030


DUBLIN CITY Council has confirmed that new traffic plans will see the entire city centre vehicle and pedestrian free by 2030, in a move that is to wipe out all congestion by 100%.

The genius proposal, which will ban all road vehicles and human beings from entering a 4 mile radius of the busy capital, will instead favour remote controlled drones and robots to shop, work and socialise in the new human-free district.

“Once implemented, not one car or person will have to go through the chore of travelling around the city centre during peak times, ever again,” city planner Tony Fenway explains, “instead we are opting for a more modern approach which will force people to send in robotic drones to do whatever it is they want to do in town, whether that be working, shopping, getting drunk or grabbing an overly priced burrito. These robotic drones will be controlled using a VR headset and dual controllers, all from the comfort of your own home, so you don’t even have to live in Dublin.

“We expect this to also curb the ongoing drug problem in the city”.

However, in a pilot scheme in Smithfield, which is currently trialling a smaller scale version of the scheme, 14 robotic drug users have already been confiscated and dismantled by local drone Gardai.

“This is why we run pilot schemes like this; with the hope of ironing out these problems before we initiate the plan,” Fenway defended.

In an unsurprising decision, a recent tender has granted a UK company with the contract for the new €43bn robotic drone system for Dublin.