First Time For Everything: Local Man Rings In Sick While Actually Sick


WATERFORD man Kieran Haughey has lamented the fact that he is currently off work due to illness, like, for real this time, having fallen victim to a nasty viral infection that has left him unable to leave the bed, like, for real this time.

Serial ringer-in-sicker Haughey had to place his first ever legitimate sick call to his employer this morning to inform them that he was unable to attend work, and would furnish HR with a sick note, an actual, legitimate, signed-by-a-doctor sick note when he returned.

Haughey, who normally uses his sick days to get over hangovers, go somewhere fun during the middle of the week, or make a four-day weekend out of a bank holiday, is incensed that he has to spend his current sick leave being actually sick, with none of the lying up and playing PlayStation that he has come to associate with a sick day.

“This is bullshit. This sick day is actually going to eat into the amount of non-sick sick days I can put in for this year,” croaked Haughey, who can’t even have a few beers for fuck sake.

“What if I need to go to a stag later in the year and I need to cry off on the Friday… it just looks bad, calling in sick so often. So I always go to work, no matter how sick I actually am, so that I can save sick days for emergencies. But no, this is an actual sick day, where I’m at home, sick as fuck. It’s shite, is what it is. There should be some allowance made so that sick-sick days don’t impact your non-sick sick days”.

“Fucking government, always trying to screw the working man”.