Local Man Can’t Even Muster Energy To Pretend To Care About Lions Tour


A LOCAL WATERFORD man has completely abandoned any plans to even pretend to care about the Lions rubgy team’s upcoming tour of New Zealand.

Where previously he had done some cursory research to make it sound like he could give a toss about the Lions, Lismore more Eoin Hanning is no longer content putting on a front.

“Yeah, who gives a shit,” Hanning finally admitted after years of pretending to buy into the ethos and heroic narrative weaved around a bunch of rugby players getting to go on a trip to New Zealand, South Africa or Australia.

Freed from the societal pressures that once required him to keep track of what Irish players made the squad and cultivating vague and uninformed opinions on why he felt some were in line to start the opening test, Hanning seemed to have a great weight lifted off his shoulders.

“Look, it’s not like I don’t like rugby, I love it. When it’s something I give a shit about, and that whole roaring Lions ads they always do get on my fucking tits,” Hanning added.

The 33-year-old’s interest in the tour has not completely waned however, as he admitted if he was to come across a video on his Facebook feed, from a friend who shakily filmed the opening Haka from New Zealand on his phone while standing too close or too far away from his TV, it could well hold his interest for upwards of 4 seconds.