“Who Do You Think Allowed Women To Play Football In The First Place?” Defends FAI


“FIRST OFF, calm down love, we can’t make out what you’re saying with those shrill voices of yours. Secondly, we’ve yet to receive a thank you for letting you play football in the first place”

The FAI were in a combative mood as they responded to low born women folk and their claims that they were not being treated with even a pretense of respect by Irish football’s governing body.

Ashen faced and visibly upset, an FAI spokesman countered claims that the FAI could invest more money in the national team so that they no longer had to get changed in airport toilets before away matches, and didn’t have to hand back track suits because they were being shared with underage teams.

“We’re genuinely offended and heartbroken that these women have lost all perspective,” the spokesman said, his hands shaking as he read from a pre-prepared statement, “we haven’t even received a thank you for letting girls play a man’s sport. Not a hint of gratitude, and we know, you lot aren’t known for your rational thinking, but take a breath and think of how much you’ve hurt us with your press conference nonsense yesterday”.

Several outrageous demands made by the women’s team included having access to a nutritionist and a €300 match day fee as well as compensation for loss of earnings for players who are away from work when representing Ireland.

“It’s just sickening to think these girls have it in their heads that we have stacks of money to hand out. I really fear if pressure grows on us, we’re going to have to get the money from somewhere, and it’s a horrible thought that John Delaney could possibly have to take a pay cut on his modest salary,” concluded the FAI spokesman before adding, “this is nothing only feminist financial terrorism”.