“Iran Must Seek Peace Or We’ll Nuke Them Out Of Existence” Confirms US
THE World awoke this morning to the familiar sound of a US administration hinting that it would be open to using cataclysmic military force to guide a Middle Eastern nation in its preferred direction.
“We’ve been talking about sending the Middle East back to the stone age, blocking all of its citizens from entering our country, and maybe even going further than that in the coming months, so we confess utter shock at the news Iran have tested a ballistic missile,” national security adviser Michael Flynn explained in his first press briefing as Chief Warmongerin the Trump administration.
The news that Iran had tested a long range missile on home soil was condemned by many and discussed at length by the UN Security Council, with hope fading that Iran would stick to a nuclear deal struck with the Obama administration.
“Can’t these idiots see they’ve got to seek peace, because if they don’t do what we tell them, we’ll obliterate them off the face of the map,” added Flynn before instructing President Trump to begin drawing mushroom clouds and making explosion sounds with his mouth.
The Trump administration has explained it will continue to stress Iran should decommission all the military weapons it has in its possession in order to leave itself open and vulnerable to an all out peace deal with the so far predictable and even handed US leadership.
Iran has temporarily suspended its citizens access to Twitter in fear that it will only take one person to call into question the size of President Trump’s penis for the US to launch a barrage of nuclear missiles in the direction of the Middle East. A claim backed up by many experts.
“Oh, I have no doubt Trump will overcompensate for the size of his micropenis by using a nuclear weapon at some point in his 4 years in office,” part time nuclear arms expert and part time micropenis expert Dr. Sandra Gill explained to WWN.
Many Trump supporters have rejoiced at the news, stating that threatening nations with a nuclear apocalypse is just what America has been missing in recent years.