Storm Abigail A Right Bitch


MET Éireann have confirmed that the first anthropomorphic storm to hit Irish shores since the decision to give them human names is a right bitch.

Storm Abigail which came ashore in Ireland on the west coast at 9am displayed all the hallmarks of a thundering bitch as its 80kph winds inconvenienced a great many people as they walked from their homes to school, work and elsewhere.

“It’s the swirling nature of the winds which conclusively prove Abigail has a bit of a temper, and is unequivocally an utter wagon of a storm all together,” explained Met Éireann’s head stormologist Winston Gale.

Mr. Gale went on to caution the public against making any snide remarks against the storm as Abigail, like any form of bitch, is likely to hold a grudge and lash out at any subsequent moment.

“This weapon of a bitch has 120kph winds in her if she’s in one of her moods, so I’d just steer well clear of her,” Gale explained.

Met Éireann also admitted that the upcoming Storm Brian had a similar capacity for destruction and had “a right temper on him”.