Local Woman Has Been Up Since Half Six This Morning


DUNGARVAN resident Denise Rotchford made sure today to tell every one of her family and friends that she has been up since half six this morning, and there’s “not a bother on her at’all”.

Mrs. Rotchford first made the bizarre claim at lunchtime, when friend Teresa Ryan yawned and complained about being tired.

“Tired! Sure, I’ve been up since half six this morning with the kids,” she pointed out, for no particular reason. “Had the housework done by eleven and even went for a run. I only need a few hours sleep. The father’s the same”.

Sources close to the 42-year-old said they do not know why she feels the need to out-do everyone else, or indeed, why she gets up so damn early in the morning with her children, as they only go to school at 9am.

“I think she’s full of shit to be honest,” said neighbour Maura Nagle, who wishes to remain anonymous. “If I told her I walked up a hill, she’d mention the time she scaled Kilimanjaro on her year out from college.”

Along with her verbal early bird claims, Mrs. Rotchford is also known for her early morning Facebook posts, containing pictures of the rising sun from her back garden, and various other condescending status updates describing her Yoga and running routines.

“If I see one more map from a run app I’ll scream,” said friend Tina Murray. “She makes the rest of us look like lazy hoors.”