Aul Mr. Brennan Diagnosed With Gluten Intolerance


SOURCES close to Aul Mr. Brennan have confirmed that the genial octogenarian has been diagnosed with celiac disease, causing him to completely change his diet and cut out all bread, all day.

Brennan, 83, had recently complained of digestion issues, as well as weight loss and fatigue. A series of tests by specialists in the Mater hospital in his hometown of Dublin revealed an intolerance to gluten had manifested in his small intestine, causing massive discomfort due to his diet which consists almost entirely of batch loaves.

Although usually diagnosed much earlier in life, celiac disease can manifest itself in people who have eaten gluten for many years without presenting symptoms. Changes in the makeup of the digestive system can lead to the intestines being unable to absorb nutrients, leading to chronic diarrhoea and anaemia.

Having complained of these symptoms for several months, Mr. Brennan was advised by those closest to him to go to and get screened immediately.

“Says I to Aul Mr. Brennan, it’s not normal to have constant diarrhoea which is pale and particularly bad-smelling for a period of two weeks or more,” said a close friend.

“Says he, sure it’s probably just something going around, wuh wuh wuh. Says I to he, sure go in and get yourself checked today I said, today. So he did. And I seen him the day after, and says I to he, did you get checked, and says Aul Mr. Brennan to me, the fuckin guts is rotted out of me altogether, and then he started cryin’ about how he had to keep an eye on the gluten from here on”.

Aul Mr. Brenna has since switched from his preferred bread, a classic batch loaf, to Brennan’s gluten free sliced pan, which he claims is like “eating air”.