Irish Water Apply For IMF Bailout

AS news circulated of the debt now held by State body Irish Water topping €850 million even more shocking information was emanating from the water provider this morning.

Leaked documents show that Irish Water, reeling from only 46% of their customers paying bills, has formally applied for an IMF bailout.

Managing Director of Irish Water, John Tierney pleaded with the IMF for immediate intervention despite Minister for the Environment Alan Kelly recently advocating the company’s pursuit of a further €550 million in loans from banks.

The minister has since refuted claims of IMF contact.

“That’s nonsense, Irish Water has taken less than 50% of its initial customer payment target, that is a huge success,” the minister explained, citing the missed target of €66 million in collections.

“Looks everyone knows you are not a real success until your debt hits over the billion mark, and we should hit that target at least in the coming months,” the minister added.

The IMF immediately rejected Irish Water’s inquiry as to a bailout, with official correspondence stating “we do not reject your application because you are not a nation or state but because there is simply no helping a lost cause”.

Rejection from the IMF is just the latest blow for Irish Water following on from the revelations that a crack team of protestors had discovered the company had been hoarding large deposits of surplus water in things called ‘reservoirs’.