Tsipras Applies For Bailout Out Of Bailout Talks


AS Greek prime minister Alexis Tsipras entered his 27th hour of being chained to a radiator in a Belgium basement, the politician requested a bailout out of the Greek bailout talks, WWN can exclusively reveal.

Arriving in Brussels yesterday, Tsipras was under the impression he would enter negotiations with EU leaders regarding a bailout programme for Greece, but upon entering the room was immediately struck by Angela Merkel on the back of the head with a blunt object; believed to be Enda Kenny.

Waking several hours later, Tsipras realised his invite to Brussels was merely a sinister trap plotted by several European leaders, lead by the German chancellor.

Following successive hours of being forced to watch awful Greek-set musical Mamma Mia on repeat, Tsipras pleaded for his captors to let him go and inquired as to the formal protocol for applying for a bailout from the bailout talks.

“OK, so is there like a PowerPoint presentation I can put together with proposals to postpone this for like, say a few days?” Tsipras asked as he was stripped naked and whipped.

His request was immediately denied by attending leaders with Merkel noting that it was not in the EU’s nature to foster a sense of unity and community, but rather simply a clever way of waging an economic war without the need for weapons.

“What we’ve agreed here tonight is truly historic,” a sweating Tsipras told reporters mere minutes ago, the red dot aimed at his forehead clearly visible, “to leave here knowing I will make huge changes to Greek society and call an election once passing 6 pieces of legislation, which no Greek politician had a hand in, in just 9 days is what being a member of the EU is all about”.

German chancellor Merkel could be seen alongside French PM Francois Hollande visibly mouthing along to the words in the statement.

“This should be treated as completely normal,” he added, now shaking, “my captors, I mean, colleagues have been very kind and there is nothing to see here, just another normal day for a sovereign European nation,” Tsipras concluded as he reached the end of his pre-prepared statement.