Small Town Clique Of Sessioners Running Out Of Friends To Sleep With


A LOCAL clique of sessioners who have spent the majority of their lives living in each other’s pockets are slowly running out of friends to sleep with, sources inside the group have concluded this week.

The Clonmel town posse found themselves coming full-circle at the weekend after attending the Body and Soul festival in Ballinlough Castle, Co. Westmeath.

“Jamie ended up going off with Ciara again for the twentieth time since they split in 2001,” long-time member of the clique Gerry Hackett told WWN. “I think everyone has gone off with everyone else at this stage”.

“This whole going out with the same bunch of people for fifteen years thing is starting to get old if I’m honest. There’s only so many more house parties and festivals I can bare. We’re all hitting our thirties now like”.

As with many small town cliques of their generation, the Elm Park contingent have been together for longer than humanly expected, with many outsiders stating that the whole thing is starting to look a bit creepy.

“I used to hang around all the lads briefly when I left school,” explained Tommy Hayes, who fell-out with the faction after being wrongly accused of stealing a bag of speckled Doves from Ken, who actually lost them in a portaloo at Creamfields 2000. “Then I grew up and realised spending time with large groups of people who took drugs all weekend and slept around with each other wasn’t healthy, but actually counterproductive to living a fruitful and successful life.”

Realising their looping nature, several members of the clique vowed to take a break from going out with each other for a while, at least until Martin’s birthday BBQ bash in July, which is going to be epic as Dermot is getting a book of trips and some base speed from a lad in Cork he knows through Declan Twomey, who left the group to find work but keeps in contact because he’s still in love with Deirdre who’s engaged to everyone’s best friend, Skinny Welsh.