“First Thing I’ll Do As President Is Fuck An Intern In The Oval Office” – Hillary Clinton

POTENTIAL Democrat nominee in the US Presidential race, Hillary Clinton has confirmed today that the first thing she will do in the event of being elected to the office of president is fuck an intern.

Taking to the hustings in Boston earlier today, flanked by her husband Bill, Hillary stated “the first thing I’ll do as president is fuck an intern in the oval office,” prompting huge applause for the mesmerised and visibly raucous crowd.

Far from being the act of a woman scorned, Hillary explained fucking an intern would be in no way an act of revenge against her husband but merely “something that would be awesome to do. With this power, what better way to celebrate than by picking out a piece of man hunk and getting down to it”.

“This isn’t about my shit for brains husband who couldn’t keep it in his pants,” Hillary confirmed, “power is the ultimate aphrodisiac,” she added before revealing a procession of the interns she would choose from in the event of her victory.

Campaign staff to the former secretary of state for foreign policy have denied sex with an intern is a cheap ploy to enhance the Clinton family’s political legacy, instead pointing media in the direction of the several carefully selected buzzwords the campaign will use that mean nothing.

“It is my solemn pledge to the American people to go at it, hammer and tong, in the White House with some man meat just as so many revenge fantasists have demanded,” Hillary concluded.

Media outlets later reported Bill Clinton was seen crying on stage as the procession of handsome and athletic men lasted over 45 minutes.

It is thought that a triumphant Republican candidate will forgo all sexual antics in the oval office preffering their first act as president to be starting a war with a country whose location on a map they are unfamiliar with.