‘God’s Hands’ Finds Ashers Bakery Guilty Of Discrimination


THE landmark legal case against a Belfast bakery has resulted in a guilty verdict on the charge of discrimination, following their decision to refuse to make a cake, which bore the images of Sesame Street characters Bert and Ernie alongside the words ‘Support Gay Marriage’.

The verdict has come as a shock to the McArthur family, owners of Ashers, as well as their many supporters following the family’s assertion yesterday that the verdict lay in ‘God’s hands’.

Taking all evidence and testimony into consideration, God has, through the prism of the British judiciary ruled against the devout Christians on the grounds that discrimination, in all its forms, is wrong.

God, not normally bound by societal conventions in any way, deigned it necessary to intervene after receiving a number of prayers relating not to world hunger, or war, but on the matter of whether or not a bakery should continue to deny the production of fabulous cakes.

The McArthur family said in a statement outside the court after verdict that “God is faithful and in control”, suggesting they have accepted God’s ruling today.

“I had tried the old double bluff with God asking him if to give me no sign if he thought gay cakes were wrong,” explained a supporter of Asher’s Bakery outside the court, “so I thought we were onto a winner”.

Asher Bakery is expected back in court later this year to answer more discrimination charges after it refused to make several other cakes that went against the teachings of the Bible. These cakes included the depiction of the eating of shellfish and the wearing of torn clothes, practices also forbidden according to Leviticus.