Clinton Presidential Campaign Places Ad For Irish Ancestors In Papers


hillary clinton irish

THE move to acquire Irish ancestry by the Clinton campaign for the 2016 US presidency has begun in earnest today as ads were placed in all major Irish newspapers promising cash in exchange for pretending to be a distant relative of Hillary Clinton.

The lineage of Clinton’s Irish family tree will be conveniently working class and will have suffered hardship and come from humble beginnings.

Hoping to replicate the positive effect Barack Obama’s discovery of Irish ancestry had on his second run at the presidency in 2012, Clinton and her campaign are willing to pay six figure sums to potential Irish relatives.

“The ad was really a formality, any candidate seeking to get elected needs the Irish-America vote, and pretending to be Irish and related to some O’Malley this or Murphy that will give Hilary a boost,” a senior campaign official told WWN.

“Our preference is for a ginger simpleton from a village with a hilarious sounding name but we’re not completely wedded to that criteria,” added the campaign official.

President Obama received a boost in the polls following his visit to Ireland and his ancestral home of Moneygall, an entirely fictitious village constructed especially for his visit to Irish shores.

“We know our party spent upwards of $30 million on the construction of Moneygall, and President Obama’s ’17th cousin twice removed’ Henry was paid $1.4 million to be his relation,” confirmed another Clinton campaign insider.

The ads which appeared in print editions of the Irish Examiner, Irish Times and Irish Independent among other publications urged ‘any attractive, stereotypical pro-choice Irish people’ to go through an interview process which could see them paid €200,000 to become related to Hillary Clinton, therefore securing a place in the Irish-American voters’ hearts.

Clinton’s Welsh ancestry is thought to be of no use to her as she contends for the Democrat’s nomination for the 2016 race and so her campaign may have to increase payments made to her new relatives.

Individuals who cannot replicate Tom Cruise accent from the much beloved Irish film ‘Far and Away’ have been discouraged from applying for the position of Hillary Clinton relative.