Raheem Sterling To Be Flogged At Anfield After Taking Laughing Gas

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LIVERPOOL footballer Raheem Sterling is to be punished by his club in the form of a public flogging at Liverpool’s home ground, due to public pressure.

Sterling, 21, has legally been registered as a role model since the age of 16 and will be punished according to the current media laws in place.

While Liverpool admit they were under pressure to break Sterling’s legs, they have opted for the less severe option of flogging him to near death in a public space.

“Raheem knows he’s done wrong but that’s not good enough as we all know,” explained his manager Brendan Rodgers, “considering the public have read rumours about contract negotiations worth a reported £150,00 a week, it’s important to allow the public to treat him adversely”.

Liverpool fans in attendance at Anfield this evening for the flogging are reminded that the club will supply whips, chains, rotten fruits, stones and other objects for throwing at the drug addicted waster.

In a recent UK Government survey it was revealed that over 30% of adults have taken illegal substances but the majority of them do not require being held up to a high moral standard and will not receive punishment as they aren’t potential multimillionaire footballer.

“Fucking disgraceful, the money he’s on,” explained football fan Graham Doyle, a role model to his 4-year-old son, while choosing to omit the fact he spent the night in A&E last year after having his stomach pumped due to excessive alcohol consumption.

Due to added pressure from a number of Twitter users including @RihannasFuckPuppet who have pointed out the footballer’s error, Sterling’s contract will be terminated and he will only reenter the public eye in the next decade when his post-laughing gas life is satisfyingly terrible and hopeless.

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