Priest Fired After Drawing Ash Penises On Parishioners Foreheads


SHOCKWAVES were sent through a quiet Waterford parish today after its long serving priest was fired for a grotesque violation of trust.

Father Pól Ferriter, a priest in the parish of St. Colmcille Bill for over 30 years was fired after parishioners complained about his method for applying ash on their forehead as part of Ash Wednesday.

Fr. Ferriter, it is alleged, began etching out increasingly detailed and crude depictions of penises on people’s foreheads instead of the standard cross sign.

“If I’d have wanted a mickey on my forehead I’d have asked me husband,” explained irate local Catholic Maureen Boyle to WWN.

“My forehead isn’t some blank canvas for a priest to draw out his sexual frustration built up from a life of celibacy,” Boyle added.

Mrs. Boyle raised the alarm with the diocese leading to a Vatican investigation after she arrived home only to discover a detailed scene on her forehead.

“It was of two unicorns fighting, but instead of horns on their head they had great big willies,” Boyle confessed before breaking down.

Mrs. Boyle was only one of several parishioners to complain, prompting the Vatican to immediately fire Fr. Ferriter which is completely at odds with their usual practice of moving him off somewhere else out of the way.

Fr. Ferriter, for his part, was full of contrition when WWN contacted him.

“30 years of this mind numbing bollocks. Cross, cross, cross. I was just mixing it up and okay the New York skyline replaced with only penises was a bit much, but it’s up there with my finest work,” the now ex-priest and artist told WWN.

“I’ll be selling my penis portraits down the quays, this weekend if you can give that a plug, cheers,” Fr. Ferriter added, clearly sorry for his actions.