Child Suffers Playground Rating Downgrade From Fraidy-Cat To Shibby-Shite


THE playground stock of a young Dundalk child took a further hit this morning, after heavy losses on a series of ventures saw his status as a Fraidy-Cat downgraded to that of a Shibby-Shite.

Cathal Owens, 7, had been struggling lately to maintain his standing since moving to St. Alphonsus N.S., whereupon his once-enviable position as Anonymous Child took a tumble following his failure to complete several high-profile dares.

Losses began to pile up when Owens was unwilling to retrieve a football, which had gone over the playground fence into a neighbouring yard, which was enough for analysts to bestow him with the rating of Chicken. Owens’s stock tumbled again when a dare to steal the teacher’s whiteboard eraser was upgraded to a double-dare; again, a failure in this venture lead to Owens receiving a further demotion to Fraidy-Cat.[MBBS-Recommended-Content]Although many speculators in the playground felt at this point that Owens could find his way back up the ranks, many now feel this morning’s third downgrade to Shibby-Shite may be too much to make a return from.

“The grade of Shibby-Shite was bestowed on Owens soon after the ringing of the bell for wee break at 10 this morning,” said Mark Shevlin, a 10-year-old playground analyst.

“Already on shaky ground as a Fraidy-Cat, Owens really needed to step up and agree to fight Sean Hannigan, the toughest boy in school. Owens, however chose to go inside and do some colouring-in. This left no choice but to downgrade him to a Shibby-Shite; a rank that not many have ever been able to come back from”.

With his now-junk status as a Shibby-Shite, Owens will struggle to find kids willing to play with him, and may have to turn to his cousin in 6th class to bail him out with inclusion in the big boys’ football side.