Gay Rights Must Be Balanced With Gay Wrongs Insist School

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A MEDIA storm has surrounded south Dublin school Coláiste Eoin after the board of management insisted it could not facilitate an anti-bullying workshop unless both ‘sides’ of the debate were represented.

Today, however, it seems a compromise has been reached as the school has been inundated with half wits who will happily verbally and physically abuse gay pupils while they are simultaneously told by another group that gay students are entitled to a welcoming, tolerant and trouble-free education.

“I admit we jumped the gun a bit,” said an unnamed spokesperson for the school, “but now that we’ve got those in favour of basic human rights lined up against those who are intolerable to gay students, the required balance is there. This is a Gaelscoil not a gay school after all”.

Coláiste Eoin went on to deny it has a similar policy for many of the subjects taught within the school.

“There’s a lot noise out there now about what kind of education we give our pupils. But, we can confirm there is no Creationism module in Science nor do we invite any racists to contradict our History class on the American Civil Rights movement, sure giving a platform to redundant and intellectually empty teachings would be mad”.

Troubling scenes were nonetheless witnessed in the school today as pupils took to engaging in disgusting acts of support for their fellow human beings. Pupils at Coláiste Eoin are believed to be carrying out a silent protest by displaying rainbow flags as an act of solidarity with gay students.

“Yeah, I’ll be wearing a rainbow flag. It’s weird, I went home really annoyed yesterday and I told my folks but they just didn’t get how I could be angry about it since I’m straight,” explained an unnamed Coláiste Eoin student to WWN.

“This is the problem with most children,” explained educational expert, concerned parent and adult Fiachra Gillespie, “they have this unerring belief that injustices are wrong and that people should be entitled to equality. That kind of empathy, void of any cynicism or ignorance, is what’s wrong with this country.”

Gillespie went on to speculate that if the educational work of organisations such as ShoutOut was to continue, there was a real danger that teenagers could start to feel comfortable in their own skin.

“If you’re going to talk about how someone shouldn’t be mercilessly bullied for their sexual orientation, that’s the stuff of gay rights, and you can’t tell people that’s wrong without first mentioning gay wrongs,” concluded a spokesperson for Coláiste Eoin.

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