Dublin Trying A Little Too Hard To Be Cool Agrees Rest Of Nation
THE rest of the nation has intervened today in an effort to get Dublin to come to its sense as its bid to become a multicultural and metropolitan utopia is becoming increasingly embarrassing.
“Look it, we get it, you’re a decent city like, but enough is enough,” began an open letter from the people of Galway following the hipsterfication of Dublin’s city centre in recent years.
Last week saw the opening of two new shoe shops directly across from one another on Dame Street, with one shop selling only left footed shoes and the other shop only right footed shoes.
“Yeah see – this is the shit we’re talking about Dublin, get a grip will ya?” Cork responded in their own letter which reached Dublin this morning.
While the rest of the country independently arrived at the conclusion that Dublin’s attempts to come across as super cool was simply desperate, the counties have now banded together to force some significant change.
Amongst the counties’ pleadings is the wish for a newly opened 7-floor, 1200sq ft beard grooming emporium to be closed down as well as a limit on local Dublin craft beers to under 1.2 million varieties.
“We’re not asking much Dublin,” a joint-county statement read, “just, you know, take your head out of your arse and just relax a bit, no need to try so hard”.
A list non-negotiable things included banning the phrases ‘pop-up shop’, ‘artisan’ and ‘start-up’.
Economic experts have also backed the plea as ‘a city of Dublin’s economic scale cannot be supported entirely by 1 million people working at vinyl selling cafes which only open when there is a full moon’.