Garda Crackdown On Pricks Skipping Queues


GARDA forces throughout the country are gearing up for a huge crackdown on pricks who skip queues.

While critics of An Garda Síochána have stated they believe the crackdown to be a cynical PR exercise, the majority concluded that ‘it was about bloody time something was done’.

It is believed 100% of Irish people encounter a queue-skipper on a daily basis with a particular favourite location for the despicable crime being the lunch hour rush queue in your local Spar.

The operation, dubbed ‘Codename Prickageddon’, will serve to aid normal members of the public in their fight against the scourge that are jumped up pricks thinking they can just skip right to the top of a queue like it didn’t even happen.

“We’re heavily invested on the ground with this,” explained Sergeant Michael Downey, “we’ve targeted the queues in delis, cinema queues and post office queues. No queue will be left unturned in this investigation”.

Lesser thought of queue ‘black spots’ also include greeting of a bride and groom outside the church just after they’ve got married, as well the queue to offering condolences at funerals.

While technically not an offence, anyone caught skipping a queue will be removed by a Garda, clipped round the ear and asked ‘what the fuck are ya playing at, huh?’

“We’ll be on the look out for the tell tale signs that someone is a queue jumper such as wearing sunglasses indoors, talking very loud on their mobiles and of course the ‘persistent tutter'”, Sergeant Downey reiterated.

The persistent tutter is believed to be the number one offender when it comes to this crime. Characterised by a presumption that no one else on Earth could possibly be in a rush, the self-entitled nature of the tutter leads to them marching to the top of the queue with a half baked excuse for why they are such a rush.

“It may seem like a laughing matter to some,” added Sergeant Downey, “but without a sense of order in your shop queue and so on – the very fabric of civil society is at risk of being torn to shreds”.

Codename Prickageddon will take effect from tomorrow and has received over €40 million in emergency government funding.