Waterford Man Celebrates 48th Menstrual Cycle With Girlfriend
A LOCAL man in his 20s is said to be in fine form today after managing to successfully maintain a working relationship with his long-time partner for the 48th consecutive menstrual cycle in a row.
Cormac Power, with an address in the city centre, told WWN that this month’s cycle was exceptionally difficult due to the pressures that Christmas has put on his girlfriend, Peggy.
“The last few days have been emotional now in fairness. I’m just glad herself is back to normal again for another three weeks,” sniffled the jubilant 28-year-old. “Nothing worse than walking on eggshells – trying to mind what you say.
“I suppose, it’s a small sacrifice to pay all the same for such a beautiful woman. I think a few large bottles are in order tonight though.”
Mr. Power added that the secret to his success as a boyfriend of a fully functioning woman was simply ‘T.L.C.’
“You’ve just got to watch yourself when that oestrogen and progesterone kicks in; it usually starts with an argument over something ridiculous, and no matter how many times we go through it, it still takes us several hours of fighting before we realise it’s PMS time,” he said.
“Once confirmed, the best thing to do is remain calm, and not antagonise the lack, cause if you do that, you’re rightly fucked.”
The term menstrual derives from the words ‘men’ and ‘strual’, the latter meaning ‘will pay’.
Although scientifically impossible, Power believes back rubs, kilos of milk chocolate and scented candles work best in “soothing” a relatively hostile few days.
“Like, you can’t fucking win. My advice to other men is to bite the bullet and just make that little more effort. She knows herself, she’s mad as a box of frogs. But just don’t, whatever you do, keep reminding her: ‘It’s only your PMS love’. That’s blowjob suicide man!”
When contacted by WWN, Cormac’s girlfriend Peggy replied: “PMS he says, is it? My grandmother died on Friday and he’s been on the Playstation all week. He’s walked into the bathroom when I was in the tub last night and sprayed some Febreeze around, lit a candle and said ‘you’re welcome'”.
CSO figures revealed last week show that 98% of arguments between couples are ‘menstrual related’, with the majority of them being instigated by the fairer sex.