Sales Of Red Pens Soar Following Release Of Christmas RTÉ Guide

STATIONERY shops across the country are reporting record sales of red pens following the release of this year’s Christmas RTÉ Guide, with many retailers expressing fear that red penstocks are in danger of running out.

Launched yesterday, the Christmas RTÉ Guide contains TV listings for all terrestrial and satellite channels for the festive period, as well as interviews with whoever was hanging around the RTÉ canteen that day.

As part of the Irish Christmas tradition, families take it in turns to browse the TV listings for the Yuletide period, and circle TV shows and movies they want to watch with a red pen. It is believed an increase in people wishing to partake in this tradition caused the surge in red pen sales, with many fearing Christmas will be ruined if they don’t get their RTÉ Guide marked.

“We’ve been on the phone to stockists across Europe, trying to get more red biros onto our shelves on time, ” said Sean Johnson, head of stationery control at Easons newsagents.

“But it’s not looking good. People started panic buying when they heard about the shortage, we were selling six red pens for every RTÉ Guide. We have offered people different colours of pens; blue, even black… We were met with furious resistance from people, and at one stage the Guards had to be called”.

Those lucky enough to have both an RTÉ Guide and a red pen will begin marking out their Christmas TV schedule this weekend, with most people finding that there’s really fuck all on that they could be bothered watching in the first place.