Daily Mail TV Show To Be An Hour Of Telling Women They’re Shit

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FOLLOWING the news that the Daily Mail’s online incarnation Mail Online is being transformed into a TV show comes the news that it will be made up of an hour long show shitting all over women.

Retaining the vague sense that it is interested in the actual achievements of various women, famous or otherwise, the Mail Online TV show will also critique their appearance in order to highlight what is truly important.

“It’s very important that with this launch, we retain the parts of Mail Online are familiar with,” explained publisher Martin Clarke, “we need to send out that message to women that whether you are tall, short, fat, skinny or none of the above we will find a way to make you feel shit about yourself”.

While much of the content of the Mail Online focuses on the appearance and personal life of successful and professional women, the TV show is set to go even further to give its readers and now viewers exactly what they want.

“We know that our readers just want to know what humanitarian, film actress, producer and director Angelina Jolie looks like with no make up on, and if we have to pay the paparazzi to invade her home to do so, we will,” added Clarke, “focusing on what she is actually doing with her highly successful career is quite frankly boring and the TV show will reflect this by ignoring that bollocks in favour of a long range close up of her cellulite”.

Those behind the Mail Online TV show admit getting the right balance will be crucial.

“We have to be sure to shit all over women just the right amount,” explained director Hayden Jones, “if i tell them how hideous they should fell about themselves too much, then we’ll have to pour resources into pretending to celebrate ‘the body beautiful’ and that’s a fucking waste of time,” the director concluded.

The Daily Mail confirmed it would also try to include as much fear and ignorance in other sections of the show, but currently its most popular brand of reporting remains stalking celebrities and belittling women.

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