Dapper Laughs Diagnosed With Virus That ‘Makes Humans More Stupid’
SOCIAL media celebrity Dapper Laughs are being treated at a central London hospital today after being diagnosed with a virus that infects human brains, making him more stupid.
Real name Daniel O’Reilly, who has no family connections to Ireland at all, was rushed to the Royal London Hospital at 8pm after collapsing in the street.
Doctors told WWN this afternoon that Mr. O’Reilly is being treated for the virus, which was only recently discovered by researchers at the University of Nebraska, after he apparently “forgot to breathe” while walking down the street.
“Daniel simply forgot how to inhale and due to a lack of oxygen he fell unconscious,” explained hospital chief of staff Dr. Helen Smith. “Luckily a female passerby began mouth to mouth resuscitation on him and an ambulance arrived on the scene within minutes.”
Speaking today from his hospital bed, the grandson of four thanked staff at the hospital for treating him for his stupidity, and stated that his only regret was not being awake when the young woman who saved his life administered CPR.
“I would have slipped in my tongue if I had to have known,” said the absolute hoot. “I might just pretend to be dead again for the sheer fun of it next time. Women are so gullible.”
It is believed the Londoner may have to rely on a specially designed breathing devise which will remind him to inhale and exhale every two seconds.
“I don’t mind about my condition – women love a good sob story,” he added, before soiling himself in the bed. “Jesus! I’m not sure how I can spin an innuendo out of this one. Nurse!”
Little is known about O’Reilly’s virus as it has only been discovered, however, doctors believe it may explain his recent, idiotic behaviour and that there may be hundreds, if not thousands of people infected with the organism across the world.
“We’ve treated some pretty stupid people in the past, but thankfully Daniel is one in a billion,” concluded Dr. Smith.