US Chart Topping Hozier Deemed “Too Popular Now” By Hipsters



THE hipsters of Ireland have explained to the music loving public that Hozier (full name not as cool sounding as just ‘Hozier’) is now too popular after the stunning debut of his album at number 2 on the Billboard charts in America.

Although his critically acclaimed self-titled debut album has only been out several weeks in Ireland, it has proven ample time for many hipster and music Nazis to condescend to the rest of us, politely informing us that the Wicklow musician is simply ‘too popular’.

“Look, I was there for the beginning of it all,” explained self confessed prick and music lover Olan Murphy, “so I get what people are getting so into now but it won’t get better than that first gig.”

Murphy went on to detail the breathtaking and hair raising stage debut of Hozier when, at just three-years-old, he gave the seminal rendition of Silent Night in his Bray Montessori school’s production of the nativity scene.

Many hipsters dispute Olan’s claims, however, with some more hardline Hozierites pointing out that Hozier’s initial eight-week ultrasound scan in his mother’s womb is probably one the great Irish performances of this or any other century.

“Fuck it man, I have that ultrasound on Vinyl, you can’t tell me he’s matched that with anything on his debut album. It’s too commercial, the way he is, like, trying to sell the album – that’s going too far, he’s definitely too popular,” added fellow prick Aengus Murray.

Aengus then referred to what is known as The Aisling Paradigm, which helps identify the point at which something can be scientifically deemed ‘too popular’ or ‘too mainstream’.

“A clear indicator that something is just too mainstream is when one of your friends, we all have them, usually named Aisling – gets wind of a new book, film or song… You know it’s over then. If she knows about it, the joy slowly recedes and you have to move on,” Aengus explained.