NAMA To Purchase Next Property Bubble Ahead Of Imminent Collapse
NEWSPAPERS today have lead with an encouraging and inspiring story that has seen people with amnesia queue up five days in advance to purchase houses at over inflated prices.
Pictures of young people waiting in line magically appeared online and in print due to some coincidental occurrence which probably didn’t involve estate agents or property developers ringing up journalists and telling them large numbers of people are queuing up the purchase their dream debt anchors.
Those queuing are believed number close to a huge four people, which has seen security on the site increased by 142 personnel.
Four people queuing is believed to be the number at which the Irish media deem a story to be front page news, confirming they are in no way complicit in perpetuating the myth that there is a healthy albeit competitive property market in 2014 Ireland.
The media also placed a worrying story of four people queuing in Centra for a breakfast roll on the next page which warned of a rasher and sausage shortage thus driving up the price of food by 20% in the last year alone.
NAMA to have responded to the panic by immediately purchasing the property bubble which has now swelled to 42 kilometres in diameter.
“We just thought we’d skip to the part where we all feel a bit silly and cheated by the whole thing,” explained NAMA spokesman John Johnson, “look the really important thing here is that the public learn absolutely nothing from this experience, just like last time”.
The purchase of the property bubble is expected to be costly and will see a number of incentives aimed at the construction sector follow in the coming years with little thought for those saddled with mounting debt.
The public, however, has reacted well to this latest story, easily disseminating the information and rightly acknowledging it is simply lazy and irresponsible journalism that has resulted in this ‘news’ becoming news.
“Get out of my fucking way you dirty looking prick”, said one individual as he sped by in his car after robbing a bank on his way to queuing for the north Dublin properties.