Parents In Tense ‘Count To 10’ Standoff With Child



ALL members of the Army have been put on standby following the shocking news that parents Amy and John Grogan have entered the 3rd hour of their standoff with eldest child Gavin and have now issued a ‘count to 10’ ultimatum.

The incident which is believed to have occurred at 7am this morning involved Gavin (9) refusing, for a second morning in a row, to attend ‘Football Champs’ summer camp in the Tullow area of the country.

Gardaí had attempted to make contact to no avail with the household following neighbour’s reports that an argument had been ongoing for a number of minutes.

It was only in the last few moments attending Gardaí managed to find the on switch to the station’s megaphone, providing a key moment in the potential resolution of the dispute. After several moments of debate a decision to begin interaction with the Grogan family was reached, with ‘Hello’ being the preferred opening line.

“We fear the worst to be honest,” chief negotiator Garda Patrick O’Connor told WWN, “that ‘count to 10’ ultimatum we could hear being shouted by one of the parents means this situation could go ‘nuclear’ at any moment”.

How exactly a small child from Tullow has managed to acquire a nuclear weapon is still unclear.

The high pitched screech of ‘I’m counting to 10’ is believed by Gardaí to have come from Gavin’s father, John, who has clearly completely lost his mind due to Gavin’s stubborn ‘I’m not going’ stance.

“At this moment with just seconds left on the ‘count to 10’ stipulation we can only hope John and Amy don’t do something mental like invoke the ‘Santa protocol’, that would be a terrible mistake,” shared Garda O’Connor.

The ‘Santa protocol’ is a method used by parents in extreme situations whereby they warn their children that Santa may not bring any presents this year if the child’s bad behaviour was to continue.

“Using the ‘Santa protocol’ in August would have next to no effect as we’re still too far from Christmas for a child to be truly contemplating the gravity of such a disastrous outcome,” added Garda O’Connor.

With start of the ‘Football Champs’ camp less than 10 minutes away from starting, fears mount that this standoff could have a bloody and violent end.