RTE Meteorological Dept. Axed As Forecast Is Replaced With Sunny/Rainy Graphic


RTE’s decision to axe all its televised weather forecasts came as a huge shock today after 47 meteorologists and staff were told they would be replaced by a five-second animated ‘sunny/rainy graphic’.

Staff in the department said nobody had anticipated the 5 minute post-news segment would ever be cancelled.

“Wow! Well, what can I say? I’m gobsmacked!” said a not so winking Gerald Fleming. “RTE broke the news to us at around 10am this morning. I’m still in shock.”

Fellow forecaster Evelyn Cusack added: “The whole team are obviously very disappointed here, apart from that bitch Nuala Carey. She’ll probably get some other job here cause she’s so bloody pretty. The pretty ones always get to move up the Nepotistic RTE ladder! It’s absolutely outrageous that 47 people can be replaced by an animated weather graphic!”

A spokesman for RTE said: “We realised our weather forecasts over the past 30 years consisted mainly of one graphic – a sun peeking over a rain cloud.

“Our decision to axe the programme and replace it with a five second weather graphic is justified. We estimate a saving of €3m a year on bizarre dresses for Jean Byrne alone.”

When asked about more severe weather conditions like snow and torrential rain, the spokesman replied:’We’ll do as we always did: we’ll just fill up a whole news programme with up-to-date road conditions, shots of large flooded plains, people throwing snowballs and plonkers getting lamped off concrete footpaths.”

Staff at the station are being advised by RTE not to speak to the media until the last weather forecast on Sunday night, which will be after the 9 o’clock news in order to let the dust settle.

The RTE spokesman also confirmed that Nuala Carey will continue to host ‘The National Lottery’ for the foreseeable future.