Racist Clarkson Admits He’s Never Eaten A Banana



FURTHER shocking revelations have emerged relating to scientifically proven racist man Jeremy Clarkson.

The Top Gear presenter had been on the receiving end of well deserved criticism following his mumbling of a well known variant on a popular nursery rhyme.

“His diction was deplorable,” offered media expert Henry Clulisse, “I could barely make out the word he was supposed to have said. Bearing that in mind the racist scumbag should be fired. Twice.”

Sources close to Clarkson have now revealed exclusively to WWN that the broadcaster is so racist he has never been seen eating a banana.

“Well, you see, racists often like to draw comparisons between monkeys and people of a particular skin colour so Jeremy has never eaten a banana, he doesn’t want to be seen as not racist.”

Clarkson’s life threatening banana allergy is thought to have nothing to do with his decision not to eat the fruit which is proving ever-popular with non-racists the world over.

“He has also punched several dying children,” added the source, “no wait maybe ate them. I can’t remember, maybe he did both.”

The Top Gear presenter continues to be front page news on newspapers that hide their racist tendencies far better than Clarkson, with the broadcaster being the choice topic of conversation among large sections of the general public.

Clarkson’s racism sits in stark contrast to a moral public who since about 1993 have ensured any joke or remark they utter could never be construed as offensive by any race or marginalised section of society.

“Like any joke I tell, I’m very careful not to make a person, a place, an animal or anything else in the punchline,” shared upstanding member of society John Waldron, “I don’t do funny accents either. Like come on, it’s pretty easy to go through your whole life being right and proper all the time, I have no sympathy for him.”

“He’s a massive racist-racist,” shared post office worker Julie McGovern confusingly, “I’m guessing this is how Hitler kicked off his thingy in World War II”.

Jeremy Clarkson has been sentenced to death and will be executed this Sunday live on ITV after Catchphrase.