Ireland Promising Not To Judge Itself For The Next 72 Hours
The entire Nation has agreed to enter into a pact that will see each and every citizen resisting the urge to judge one another regarding their conduct and behaviour over the St. Patrick’s Weekend festivities.
It is also thought the general public will politely hold up the pretense that St. Patrick’s Day is all about highlighting the best Irish culture has to offer. American tourists will be exempt from the pact, but are urged to stay in their hotels for the duration of the 72 hours for their own safety.
The days surrounding St. Patrick’s Day have been long associated with civil disobedience, public urination and all round despicable displays of so-called ‘Irishness’.
Many Irish people refuse to buy into the St. Patrick’s Day hype, but even these individuals have conceded and agreed that they will not cast a holier-than-thou eye over the weekend’s events.
“Last year I had an awful time of it, I woke up in the middle of nowhere with two of me fingers up me bum,” shared Paddy’s Day enthusiast Gaz Keenan.
“Everyone took the piss out of me, but it really affected me you know. So like, I’m glad we’ve all said ‘sure fuck it’ this year and vowed not to judge each other for having the craic,” he concluded before downing a can of Druids.
The Irish media, however, has refused to abide by the pact admitting that depending on how well behaved the Nation is as a group of rabid drunks – the following day’s headlines could include words and phrases such as ‘chaos’, ‘mayhem’, ‘clean up begins’, ‘our alcohol shame’, ‘punch drunk Paddy’ and ‘violence’.
Parade organisers throughout the country have urged people to be mindful of children attending parades who remain unaware that the true meaning of Paddy’s Day is to break your personal alcohol consumption record.
The pact will cease to be valid as of midnight on the 17th of March so any misbehaviour beyond that time is open to the usual shaming and criticism drunks would receive any other day of the year.