Crowds Gather In Kerry To Watch Traditional Burning At The Stake Of Last Year’s Rose Of Tralee

PRAISED for her year of tireless public appearances and charity work, last year’s Rose of Tralee winner wailed in terror as hooded committee members solemnly dipped the ragged tips of their wooden torches into accelerant, the petroleum scent hanging thick in the morning air, before one by one flaring the kindling beneath, casting a large hellish orange glow over the hushed crowd.

The annual Burning at the Stake, held in Tralee’s town square, drew thousands of spectators both young and old who were eager to mark the start of the 64th edition of Ireland’s most prestigious ‘lovely girl’ event, first staged in 1959.

“To think we used to burn all the Roses except the winner was a bit mental when you look back,” one nostalgic organiser gazed on, as the crowd roared at the sight of the flames now devouring the festival’s reigning champion.

The practice was scaled back after Ireland joined the European Economic Community in 1973, when Brussels deemed the mass immolation of dozens of young women ‘inhumane’ and insisted the festival switch to solely torching the outgoing winner each year instead.

“Ah, it’s all changed now,” said 96-year-old Thomas Hayes in a thick Kerry accent, a weathered elder of the festival who recalled a time when contestants were subjected to mandatory virginity checks. “It’d take a full week for the parish priest to get through all of it. Now, with all these male escorts… well, you’d be lucky to even find one intact.”

As the fire burned down to a glowing bed of embers, charred fragments of last year’s sash floated into the hot summer morning sky. The crowd fell silent as a lone bagpiper stepped forward, the mournful notes of The Rose of Tralee curling through the air, sparking thousands of voices to join in unison: “The pale moon was rising above the green mountain…”

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