On This Day 1998: Crowds Gather Outside Dublin Home To See Nation’s First Bidet

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FOR YEARS, Irish people had heard tell of the bizarre hygiene habits of people on the mainland European continent, and now they’ve finally arrived on our shores.

Crowds gathering outside the O’Brien family homestead in the sleepy hamlet of Rothar, Dublin no longer had to question whether cleaning devices for the pinhole at the centre the human posterior were the stuff of giddy-minded pranksters.

For just £3 those amassing outside Colm and Deirdre O’Brien’s house, gained access to a 60 second look at a device, of French origin, known as a ‘bidet’ believed to be En Français for ‘bum hose’.

“Even though I seen it with my eyes, I don’t know how it’s supposed to work. I wanted to look more but Mam started to feel dizzy and wanted to leave because she said she started to feel too French and loose-of-morals,” said one eye-witness Sheena Kelly.

For every person wanting to see the contraption, there is another who thinks such carry-on is completely unbecoming.

“We’ve been called ‘perverts’ and worse, people saying they’d rather have a stain on their hole than their soul,” explained Ireland’s first bidet user Colm O’Brien. Working in export markets Colm had cause to travel frequently to Europe where he discovered the cleaning aid.

“The Bishop won’t baptise our Catherine until we get it out of the house, and he wants a guarantee it will be destroyed with explosives. But we’ll not be bossed around, my arse has never been cleaner,” a deviant Colm told WWN.

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