Send In Your Budget 2025 Suggestions To Jack Chambers Here

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THIS YEAR’S totally-not-a-giveaway-budget-just-before-we-call-an-election budget has been announced by the coalition government, marking October 1st as the day Jack Chambers is in charge of the Fisher Price calculator for the firs time.

Is there something you’d like to see in the budget? It’s time to let the Minister for Finance & Extended Bedtimes know.

Rumour has it, Chambers is open to the following spending commitments:

Prime Energy drinks to be capped at €5 a pint.

Inheritance tax threshold to be raised (and to allow for future IDs to directly inherit Dáil seats from their parents with a pointless by-election).

Rent credit to apply to Minecraft in-app purchases too.

Expansion of the Re-turn scheme to allow for the recycling of toxic exes.

With inflation now at roughly 2%, the cost of living crisis is over as long as you ignore all those prices increases on basic goods. You’re welcome.

A return to 9% VAT for the hospitality sector but will be dependent on level of donations to Fianna Fáil from the hospitality sector.

Future Taylor Swift concert ticket prices to be capped at €50.

Reduction in licence fee money every time RTÉ reports something negative about the government.

Dublin Portal levy – every time someone embarrasses the nation on the portal, they are fined €1k.

An increase in landlord social welfare payments also known as an increase in HAP.

An extra 1 minute of free childcare.

Continuing to pretend like the multi-national tax bonanza will last forever.

Additional €500mn for that black hole the HSE puts its funding into.

Small variety of incremental increases in revenue generating measures which when they add up cripple you financial, meaning your disposable income can’t even get you a Fredo bar.

Increasing the price of Fredo bars by 20 cent.

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