Timothée Chalamet Will Always Be ‘The Peach Fucker Guy’ To Local Man


NO MATTER the accolades, high profile romances and leading roles in big budget movies, actor Timothée Chalamet will forever be known to local man Eoin Reid as ‘that lad who shagged a peach in that one movie’.

“He can smoke, kiss Kylie Jenner or play Willy Wonka, it’ll never change the fact he willy wonka’d a peach in Call Me By Your Name,” confirmed Reid, who prides himself of having perfect recall on bad movies and just mad scenes such as any containing a character ejaculating into a peach.

“Can the man act? Yes, he’s very good but that won’t stop me and the lads chanting ‘peach peach peach’ when a trailer for the next Dune comes on in the cinema, sorry,” conceded Reid.

Reid noted it was nothing personal against Chalamet and that had Paul Mescal fellated a battered sausage in Normal People it would have left a similarly long lasting impression and opened the actor up to harmless japes and derision.

“Sharon Stone has her crossed legs and ‘ol Timmy The Peach Fucker has fruit defilement,” concluded Reid, whose associations might not be so strong if he hadn’t watched the movie 15 times.