“I Bought 12 TV Licences; One For Each TV In My House And You Should Too”


FOLLOWING news that state broadcaster RTÉ is set to lose around €21 million in TV licence fee revenue by the end of this year, WWN property editor and multi-millionaire landlord Bill Badbody explains why Irish people should not only be buying a TV licence, but one licence for every TV in their home. 

First of all, what kind of disgusting filth expects to receive state funded television and radio channels and not pay for it? You people barely pay any taxes down there in the lower end of the tax bracket. You scabs want everything for free; water, electricity, air to breath, if I was in government let me tell you you’d be taken down off your Shetland pony quite quickly.

Last month I bought 12 television licences. The postmaster said I only needed one, but I insisted that it’s the least I can do for the vast array of programming I’m receiving on a daily basis, most of it property based. Fair play.

Let me tell you why paying your television licence is important. Big names cost money. The Joes, the Tubs, the three chirpy disc jockeys on that radio station every morning that I find hilarious – the orc lad, the gas lad who keeps talking to Ireland like it’s a person and and yer one whose family own the boats I sometimes hire for parties – talent costs money and looking around Ireland there’s very little of it. Do you think Lottie Ryans grow on trees? No, they’re bred in-house to serve the nation through nepotistic protocols dating back to Tubridy’s own grandfather and former RTÉ DG, Todd Andrews. This is a bloodline-based network of elitists befitting of royalty that you simply must obey and, most importantly, fund. RTÉ is our monarchy, and you plebs will pay for them.

If you had any idea how many underpaid hardworking plebs hold Montrose together, you’d have no problem ignoring that fact and favour the big names taking the credit and the majority of the wages. RTÉ is a microcosm of our neoliberal capitalist society where the divide between rich and poor spirals carelessly out of control by the second and it needs to be cherished. Where else will you find highly experienced producers living out of vans in the station carparks because it’s too expensive to live in Dublin – it’s beautiful.

When elected next year, I will be proposing a €500 device charge on any technology in your home that can stream RTÉ and will set up a nationwide armed task force swat team to neutralise anyone who refuses to pay. I believe this is only fair and the right thing to do.