Stupid Fucking Idiot Way Too Hard On Himself

A LOCAL braindead moron who will achieve nothing in life is trapped in a cycle of negative thoughts which see him unfairly attack his own character and motivations like some stupid eejit, WWN has learned.

27-year-old Andrew Murnan often lays into himself on account of being the worst human being in existence and possessing an intellect the size of a malnourished tadpole, a view those who know Murnan suggest is perhaps a little harsh as he is ‘a perfectly amiable lad’.

“Wasted another evening sitting on your hole you fucking eejit, said you’d go to the gym and didn’t. Another take away for dinner too you lazy prick,” Murnan, the ill-mannered reprobate said to himself forgetting to criticise his appearance and his face which looks like it’s been shat out of meat grinder.

“Andrew c’mon dude, you’re better than this,” reasoned Murnan, who nobody likes according to himself on account of what an idiot he is.

“Maybe I’m being too hard on myself again,” offered the Waterford man, in one of the stupidest sentences ever committed to thought by a human being because no, if anything, he’s not being harsh enough.

Murnan, who has several hours of the evening left to torture himself with overly-critical thoughts before going to bed to do it some more, began obsessing over interactions he’s had with friends and co-workers.

“‘Up to anything nice for the weekend’? You’re the dullest densest cunt in all of recorded history, couldn’t come up with anything more interesting to say, could you? ‘Up to anything nice’? Wow, talking to you is like doing cocaine with all the cocaine taken out and replaced with sleeping pills and disappointment, I’m brimming with excitement, you charisma factory,” Murnan said, of his conversation with Jenny from sales, which must rank as the worst ever attempt at conversation ever undertaken by a complete buffoon.